23
Friends! It's December! Christmastime is here! A favorite month, of Christmas, of Advent, of celebrating Mary and Jesus and Angels! And this year, a month full of exceptionally long work hours. What could be better?
I've just come from a five-and-a-half hour work day, capping off a sixty-hour work week, an insane week full of attempting to persuade 14-year-olds (or the Youth, as we affectionately like to call them) to complete just a little bit of work in order to pass their classes and finals, which begin Tuesday. I'm about ready to collapse, and my legs are all tingly from being cooped up in a desk all morning long, and I'm seriously regretting not following the impulse I had to run away to the beach this afternoon. Ah, well. Next time. This time, though, I'm here with you, which is quite a nice place to be. Cozy, drinking tea, and savoring the fact that December is here, my most favorite month.
A should-be-illegal kind of work week aside, this week was momentous in the fact that it was Birthday Week. Another December 11th has come and gone, resulting in a twenty-three year old me, a birthday that cannot be compared to any other. Now, for those of you that know me, you know I LOVE my birthday. It is an Event that I take full advantage of. But this year was different. I don't know if it was being stupidly far away from everyone I love, or if it was the fact that I had to work, or simply the fact that twenty-two was the hardest year of my life and I felt a little gypped (wow, had to try to spell that three times. Also, just now realizing how seriously problematic gypped is?? Is it supposed to be like... robbed by gypsies? Anyway.) I felt a little put off because I was growing up and at 23... don't most people have their life together at 23? And here I am, a free spirit who likes to adventure but also seeks routine (seen vividly in the fact that I did not spontaneously drive to the beach) with not a plan for her life.After frantically texting my mom re: my lack of plan/existential crisis that was slowly spiraling, she advised me to "stop thinking about it and go to bed before the spiral happens, always better after sleep!" This turned out to be excellent advice because, even though my birthday was different, it was wonderful. I felt completely celebrated by friends near and far, my students wrote me several sweet cards (in which I was wished a "litt-ass birthday," a favorite) and I ate a lot of good food. My family sent me gifts and birthday signs, a tradition we have in my home where everyone writes the birthday person signs on construction paper and we hang them around the kitchen. My family mailed them to me this year, and I got to read signs like "23 reasons I love you" or "23 memories I have with you." And it was really special, and not at all worthy of the panic-stricken evening before.I was talking with a coworker who also completed her twenty-third lap around the sun this week and who, funnily enough, started her own blog in celebration, about the terrifying leap from twenty-two into twenty-three, every nearing the mid-twenties line, and reflecting on the year it has been. A Very Rough Year, but a year filled with much vital growth and adventure and learning how to make hard but necessary decisions. A perpetual hot mess of a year, but somehow, quite a necessary mess.So, I think what I'd like to do, if you'll let me, is verbal process and make my own "23" list, because it's been awhile since I've made a list, and because, well, birthdays are always superb times to reflect.
Twenty-Three Things I've Learned in My Necessary Mess of a Year
To trust, God, angels, people, myself
What abundance looks like in a lot of different places.
That I am a very impatient person, and I'm working on that.
That it is quite possible to move to a different state and be okay.
That I am created to be an Artist
and that can look different in many places, and take awhile to present itself, but be equally wonderful anywhere.
To wait.
That listening to the Harry Potter books on tape is an excellent way to pass commute time.
How to retrieve a car if it gets stolen.
To be content with where I am.
That it is okay to not know.
That long distance friendship is possible (although not ideal).
That some decisions are really hard, and it's quite alright to cry your way through them.
How to adapt quickly.
That playing piano is genuinely something that I love.
That I have been given so much, and how I use it matters.
That laughter and silliness is always and ever essential.
That apologizing is important.
To not underestimate the Power of the Spirit that is inside my body.
That Christianity is an embodied religion, just as much in our actions as in our hearts.
How to listen (well, working on that).
That I am an experiential learner, an adventurer, a child at heart
To let go and be brave, always.
Ever, ever thankful for all of you. Thank you for making my twenty-three years beautiful ones. To 23!
-Alyssa