iii. amongst the reeds i wait
after lamentations 3
This morning the mist rose from the steaming ground around the duck pond, drawing out
the smells of sage and pine, musty and damp, that settled into the dry shell
of my body, breathing a freshness into my nostrils, curling my hair and filling my dull
heart with the dense fog of early September. A black duck, sleek and content, swam
across the mirror, creating a V on the surface that was echoed overhead by those brave
ones, the first geese who squawked their southward exit, visible only
for a moment before being swallowed by the sky. You, too have wrapped yourself
up in a cloud, do you know that? Have you yet come
to sit beside me on the bench near the thrushes, to watch also the water ripple
in a mournful dance, which is a mercy all its own? Amongst the reeds I waited, wingless
and walled in, for the air to clear, to see again you who once filled the cup
of my heart with beautiful things, who lead me into the darkness without any light. I waited,
raw and aching, as the wild bodies of the sunflowers dropped their petals
with a delicate, unashamed willingness—so unlike my bitter pacing, so sure
of their rebirth from the dust. And still, the pond murmurs beneath your cloud, embracing
the miniscule changes despite everything, prelude to the winter freeze, and the promised
thaw of the springtime. It is a necessary terror, hope. See how the pond knows how to wait
for it, for the prayers to pass through her fingers, how to love, madly, the patterns on her skin
even as they disappear, how to swim in the midst of the dark cloud,
and quietly, remembering the morning.
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thank you, friends, for being here so faithfully this week. with you!